Wednesday, September 7, 2011

special entry for a person called 'SAHABAT' ;)

sahabat : ade janji yg awk still x tunaikan.. dah setahun sy tunggu..
me        : janji ape??
sahabat : cube la ingat blk..
me        : rasenye sy tau.. awk nk sy pakai 'hadiah' yg awk bagi raye thn lps tu kn?
sahabat : ye.. bile sy tgk girl pakai 'hadiah' tu, sy t'ingat awk. tp awk xpenah pon pakai sampai
me        : sy xpkai ade sebab..
sahabat : nape? buruk ke 'hadiah' tu? awk xsuke ye 'hadiah' tu???
me        : bkn mcm tu.. nt awk akan tau jgk ape sebabnye..

that 'hadiah' is the most wonderful present i ever received. it is not expensive, not glory, not glamourous, not fabolous. no value of materiality but the 'hadiah' value are more than all that. he gave me a 'selendang' :)

at the moment i received the selendang, i made a promised with myself ' i'll wear it when i'll never throw it away again'.

i am a girl. and my passion is to be beauty. i admit that. freehair- to me it is compulsory for me if i want to looked pretty. set a trendy hair that suit my face. when people said ' ouhh suchha pretty hair'. i am very proud. to show people i have a wonderful hair, very satisfied my feeling.

but the moment my 'sahabat' gave me the selendang. deep in my heart i feel sad. i feel bad. i feel lack of something, my heart empty.

i wonder 'can i be a real muslimah, tutup aurat, jaga agama and all that?' 'sampai bila nak teruskan life mcm ni yg bebas mcm x ade agama?'. i am wondering all that in my mind.

i want a changes. to be a good girl. to be a great servant of my Creature. i'm seek of better life. but it is hard and difficult than i ever thought. i starts slowly and learn gradually about my own religion day by day. right until now, i've made my mind and will stick to it. i want to be a girl cover with her hijab whenever i'm not around my 'mahram'.

i have made a confirmation to myself, need to change and create a better life with blessing from Him. yet i know i am weak without His help. but i believe i could be strong if i never give up and always remember Him.

i want to Thank You Allah for showing me your Greatness and opened my heart return to Your way.
i was so far from You, yet to me You were always so close. i wanna thank You for all the things that You’ve done. You’ve done for me through all my years i’ve been lost. You guided me from all the ways that were wrong. i wanna thank You for bringing me home Ya Allah...


p/s ; sy masih dlm proses belajar dan masih mencuba untuk berubah ke arah yg lebih baik. sy tak kuat. sy
        lemah. sy tak sempurna...
        tp sy yakin Allah akan sentiasa menolong. insyaAllah...
        utk 'sahabat' sy Muhammad Ismail bin Zainal Abidin, harap penantian selama setahun awk berbaloi...
        terima kasih sbb hadiahkan benda paling berharga ni...
        sy hargai awk dalam hidup sy. Tq :)))

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